Bike Path Terminology ~ 03 Aug 2007

Townies. These are the people who are cycling for fun and not necessity. And, they're sporting oodles of character items: like a gigantic flower basket, movie star sunglasses, streamers or a bike circa 1940. I'll admit that I love townies because they bring a lot of character to the paths. Nothing makes me happier than when I see a huge Canadian Tire special from the 60s with low rider handle bars being driven by a person wearing winged glasses and a massive smile. I love it even more when their basket is full of groceries! Townies are not to be confused with Bike Bunnies who are the women who ride their bike wearing only a bikini.

Wide Loads. Picture this: two moms biking together each pulling a toddler in a bike trailer -- they are riding side by side and taking up the whole bike path. I call this a wide load and most times just easier to hop onto the grass and pass rather than dinging my bell and wait for them to shift position. The term wide load also applies to large groups of cyclists, maintenance workers, the little jeep plow that drives around the paths clearing snow and large families that consist mostly of little kids learning their way around a bicycle. A Beached Wide Load is a group of cyclists all standing around in the middle of the pathway when there's boat loads of space on either side where they can stand and chat.

The Huffers. These are the people who for whatever reason seems to need to work as hard as they can so they can get in front of you. It could be only me that see the huffers because I'm female and my average speed is 27kph (over 15k), which I'm told could bruise a few male egos. It really annoys me when a huffer works super hard to get in front and then a few minutes later I have to pass them because they can't keep the speed.

Leeches. I met my first really sticky leech on Tuesday. He slowly crept up behind me and then while my head was turned he started to draft. I knew what he was doing and immediately tried to change the wind flow; I only have enough energy to get myself into the downtown core. Then he started to follow the flow; this pissed me off even more and I stopped pedaling. Most leeches will pull out and pass when you break the flow or start to slow down -- but this leech was intent on getting a free ride into down town and he still stayed behind even when I slowed down. So, I was forced to turn and say something along the lines of: "You're a big boy... pull yourself." He pulled out and peddled quickly to the person in front of us -- and rode their wind all the way into downtown. I'm all for drafting when you have agreement amongst all parties -- e.g. every morning I see the same five cyclists all slipstreaming and they work together as a group -- however, I'm not a fan of giving someone a free ride when the benefit is only moving in one direction.

Flicktards. I'm an incredibly patient person but have no sympathy for these people -- hence the name. You've seen them: the people sleeping in the middle of the pathway, the cyclists trying to text message on their phone (with both hands) while riding or my all time favourite -- the people smoking dope while riding their bike.

My second least favourite of the flicktards are those speed roller bladers who blast down the middle of the path and refuse to move when you try to pass (regardless of how many times you ding your bell or politely ask to pass); and, they seem to need to take up every single amount of space while blading but are going fast enough that it's hard to pass on the grass (or they deliberately match your speed when you do try to pass). I see them all the time and I'm buying special steel toed cleats for these people.

My least favourite people are the ones who ride a motorized vehicle -- whether it be an ATV, motorbike or scooter on the paths or sidewalks. I've only ever seen a handful on the bike paths. However, every single evening I see the same man on a scooter driving down the sidewalks and under the Dalhousie bus trap so he can avoid traffic; regardless of how many people/kids/dogs there are on the sidewalk -- and he expects them to get out of the way. I don't see this behaviour continuing for much longer because the next time I see him I'm calling the cops.

Giggles. Finally, Giggles are the people who don't fit into any mold -- and who give me a belly tickle on my way to and from work. For example: the man I saw last week who was wearing a full body Louis Garneau racing suit (including hood) while riding a townie bike (with basket). These are the people who make life on the bike paths interesting and fun.