Stryder. Oh dear Stryder. He was my buddy for so long… and whenever I come home late on a Thursday night he was happy to pop upstairs to claim his extra long hellos and belly rubs. He’d follow me around and search my pockets for anything exciting or smelly. We’d relax together and I’d continue the book I was reading until he eventually descended back into the depths of the basement and (*I suspect*) the big leather couch that he’s not supposed to be on.

Then one Thursday he didn’t appear. There was no *gruff* from the basement or even an indication that he was still alive. I guess the big leather couch is way more awesome than the human he doesn’t see all week.

And then there’s Kima. Would it kill you to come up the stairs and say hello, little miss Kima? Usually when I get home she’ll saunter over to the stairs in the basement. Gives me a little head nod as if to say “Hey!” and a lame “I did my duty.” Then she disappears.

I think the snow that periodically falls off the side of the house gets more leaping-flying-barking-whining attention from Kima than I do… and the evil squirrel. I’m shocked that the squirrel is still alive. Your days are numbered evil squirrel.

But, little absent pups. I have a plan to win you over. My plan is simple and has two parts.

Part 1: Fix This

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Part 2: Go Here

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And NO ONE comes home until they are covered from head to toe in mud.