This year’s trip to the Stampede grounds included a quest: the quest to find deep-fried Mars Bars. DFMBs are a Scottish masterpiece; they were invented in Aberdeenshire and have somehow managed to find their way out of Scotland and to the Calgary Stampede. However, during our quest, instead of finding DFMBs we only managed to find deep-fried Coke and fried cheesecake.

Thus, in disappointment we continued to wander and analyze the standard midway classics: sugar bombs, deep fried grease, food on a stick, and enough lube to clear out even the most constipated person.

Yet, in the midst of it all we found a food market tucked underneath the Big 4 Building — a food market loaded with sushi, fish (Billingsgate), sandwiches, Wicked Wedge pizza, real coffee, Ukrainian food, pasta, juices, and Greek food. All I can say is, thank goodness for the food market.

In the end I’m a little disappointed that we couldn’t find any of the well discussed and controversial classics: deep-fried Oreos, deep-fried Twinkies, or the infamous hot beef sundae. And, I guess I’ll have to wait until next year to sample the highly coveted deep-fried Mars bar.